they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
