she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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