He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
