he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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