I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
