i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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