My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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