Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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