Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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