Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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