Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
