Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
