I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
