i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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