Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
