her vagine was all disorganized.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
