My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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