I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
