we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
