you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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