Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
