Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
