I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
