hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
