splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
