Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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