Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
