8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
