Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
