and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
