I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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