Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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