Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
