Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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