Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
