My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
