easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
