dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
