Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
