So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
