So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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