he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
