she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
