i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
