I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
