Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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