If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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