is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Randomize
