If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
