i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
