I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
