I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
