oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
