Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
