I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
